


Soul-YEETs

by Blizzard_Fire



Series: ThorBruce Week 2019 [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bruce Banner Needs a Hug, Bruce Banner is Tired, Clumsy Thor, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Humor, Loki (Marvel) is a Good Bro, M/M, Peter Parker likes vines, Poor Bruce Banner, Reluctant Soulmates, Thor is trying his best, ThorBruce Week, ThorBruce Week 2019, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, loki is a little shit, or he tries to be, so tired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-13 05:02:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21238598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blizzard_Fire/pseuds/Blizzard_Fire
Summary: When your soulmate throws an object, it appears beside you.Thor has given up on expecting a response from his soulmate, but keeps throwing things by accident.Bruce wants nothing to do with whoever keeps throwing hard objects at him.'They hit you with a basketball?' Tony paced around the lab, clicking a pen.Bruce kept his eye on the microscope. 'Yeah.''Well, that's good, right? Maybe they want to get in touch.' A hand patted his shoulder. 'You've gotta try it one day. Soulmates can be hard work but it's worth it in the end, trust me.'A TV remote materialised in mid-air before clattering onto the desk.'My soulmate is an idiot,' said Bruce.





	Soul-YEETs

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt "Science/Soft" for ThorBruce Week 2019.
> 
> I'm not a big fan of soulmate aus but I found a prompt and ran with it. Because it made me laugh.

It was all Loki's fault.

Thor blamed Loki for a lot of things, but this time it really _was_ his fault. They had been sitting in the park, enjoying the first day of summer. Val had brought a basketball to practice shooting some hoops and had prodded Loki into joining her. Of course, Thor couldn't join in because he hadn't met his soulmate yet.

'Oh come on Loki, you're useless!' Val shouted as the ball missed the hoop, bounced off Loki's head and finally rolled to a stop at Thor's feet. Without thinking, Thor picked it up.

Loki held out a hand. 'Hit me.'

So Thor threw the ball with all his might. It was halfway to Loki when it disappeared into the air.

'Thor!' Val groaned.

'I didn't do it on purpose!' Thor hid his head in his hands. 'What have I done...'

'Pissed off your poor soulmate, probably. Thanks a _lot_, Loki.' She glared at him.

Loki shrugged. 'Thor threw it, not me.'

The three of them stared at the empty space where the ball had vanished.

'I wonder where it ended up,' Loki mused.

When your soulmate throws an object, it appears beside you.

That's why Bruce was hit in the face with a basketball during an important science presentation.

He reeled from the impact, his polished talk about antimatter devolving into a string of swear words as he clutched his nose. The whole committee laughed at him as he struggled to regain his composure and continue on. By the end, he knew he wasn't going to get the grant.

Rubbing his bruised forehead, Bruce snatched up the basketball, stormed off to a deserted corridor and threw it as hard as he could.

Thor didn't have time to duck. The ball thudded into the side of his head and he stumbled from the impact, losing his footing and falling onto the grass.

Val scooped it up. 'You know, if you just agreed to meet up you wouldn't have this problem, Thor. I met Carol as soon as I could, and now I can play sports.'

'Why don't you throw it again?' Loki suggested. 'Play an inter-dimensional game of catch. That might cheer them up - '

'They don't want to meet me,' Thor growled, sitting up. 'Carry on with your game. I'm - I'm going for a walk.' And he strode off, leaving them to stare after him.

'They hit you with a _basketball_?' Tony paced around the lab, clicking a pen.

Bruce kept his eye on the microscope. 'Yeah.'

'Been a while since they sent you anything. Maybe they want to get in touch.'

'I don't _want_ them to send me anything. I just want to get that grant and get on with my work here.'

'Brucie.' A hand patted his shoulder. 'You've gotta meet up some day. Soulmates can be hard work but it's worth it in the end, trust me.'

A TV remote materialised in mid-air before clattering onto the desk.

'My soulmate is an idiot,' said Bruce.

Thor knew his soulmate wasn't interested.

After years of sending stuff with no response, he'd eventually given up. But there was still a box of items he'd wanted to give one day.

'Will you stop moping?' Loki elbowed him. 'Either pursue your soulmate or don't.'

Thor sighed into his coffee. 'I've tried. They don't want to make contact. That basketball was the first response I've ever got - '

'So now you have a tactic. Piss them off so much that they agree to meet.' Loki maintained stern eye contact as he chomped on a blueberry muffin. 'That's what I did.'

'I always wondered where Clint got that scar.'

'What I'm saying is you can't go on like this.' He leaned forward. 'The only way to break the curse is to meet in person. After that, you can get on with your lives and throw as many TV remotes as you want.'

'That was an accident,' Thor muttered. He'd been a bit overexcited by last night's baseball game. His soulmate hadn't given it back yet.

'You have to make a decision, Thor: persist until you get an answer, or give up and focus on something else. This has gone on long enough.'

'I suppose you're right.' Thor lowered his cup. 'I just want to talk to them, set things straight after - '

'HELLO BOYS!' A hand clapped him on the shoulder. Thor jumped so hard that half of his coffee slopped out... and vanished.

_'Val!'_ He opened his arms helplessly, hot liquid dripping down his legs. 'Why did you do that?'

The smile on Val's face died away. 'What did I - oh god...'

Loki shook droplets of steaming coffee off his muffin and took another bite. 'There won't be much of your soulmate left if this continues.'

Thor let his head thump down on the table. 'They're going to kill me.'

Bruce was recalibrating his instruments when hot coffee splashed onto his crotch.

He yelped and fell off his stool, plucking desperately at the front of his pants. 'Jesus!' He scrambled over to the emergency shower, nearly bowling Peter over on the way, and doused himself in freezing water.

Tony arrived a few minutes later. Peter was muttering something about keeping burns in cold water for at least five minutes. Bruce was shivering miserably and clutching his groin. The floor was covered in coffee.

'You guys having a domestic or something?' asked Tony.

Bruce just grunted.

'You haven't even met yet!'

'I don't want to meet them,' he snapped. 'What kind of person _does_ this?'

'Hmm.' Tony dragged a stool over, sat down facing Bruce and steepled his fingers together. 'Okay, consider this an intervention. You've gotta get in touch with them. Before this escalates out of control. Right, Peter?'

Peter shot Bruce a guilty look. 'You guys probably need to straighten things out. But you don't have to meet up right away! Just yeet over your phone number or something. Then there's less pressure.'

'Sounds like a good plan, P- wait, what did you just say? "Yeet"?'

Peter looked sheepish. 'Yeah, y'know, like when you throw something and shout - uh, never mind.'

'Fair enough.' Tony pointed at Bruce. 'You heard him. Yeet your deets. Or I'm hiding all of your pens.'

Thor was going to do it tonight.

He stared at the scrap of paper on the kitchen table, where he'd scribbled his phone number. If his soulmate didn't want him, then fine. But he wanted to be free of this stupid curse.

'Thor!' Loki called from somewhere in the house. 'It's your turn to take the rubbish out!'

With a sigh, Thor left the note on the table and hefted out the garbage bag. It weighed a ton - oh yeah, Loki had thrown out most of the kitchen pans to replace them with new ones.

He was deep in thought as he carried it around the front of the house. Would there be a response this time? Should he keep sending notes until his soulmate gave in? Would they agree to meet? What would they look like?

He smiled as he lobbed the heavy garbage bag into the trash can.

And watched it disappear.

He clapped his hands over his mouth. 'No! Oh _no...'_

Bruce was lying on his bedroom floor.

He stared up at the ceiling, wondering why he was lying on his bedroom floor. His head hurt. Ouch. His head hurt a lot.

A bag of garbage lay beside him, spilling some rusted frying pans over the floor. His soulmate had sent him... trash?

He sat up and probed the back of his head. His hand came away damp. Yes, he'd never responded to the gifts his soulmate used to send him, but to throw garbage at him hurt in more ways than one. Asshole.

Something landed on his bed. Bruce wobbled over and picked it up.

It was a knitted test tube plush, with a smiley face. The note attached to it read: "_Thought I'd send something soft for a change. Sorry. Thor."_

Bruce clambered onto the bed, feeling groggy, and called for a cab to take him to the doctor's. After a moment's hesitation, he stuffed the note in his pocket.

Thor awoke the next morning to a flutter of paper, and opened his eyes to see a note fall onto his face.

_How did you know I like science?_

He sat up, heart pounding, and scrabbled for a pen.

_Sometimes you throw balls of paper by accident. I read some of your theories, they sound interesting._

He threw the paper back. Moments later, it returned.

_Why did you throw a garbage bag at me?_

Thor wrote back. _Accident. Sorry. Are you ok?_

_I have concussion but I'll be alright. Guess that's what I get for ignoring you all these years._

He smiled._ I'm just clumsy sometimes. Call it even? _

_My name's Bruce._

Thor swallowed. _I understand you don't want to be in contact, but I keep having accidents. Really sorry about the coffee. And the basketball. Can we meet? _

He waited a long time for a response. _Okay. Yes. Maybe I was wrong, I shouldn't have ignored you. Where do you want to meet?_

_Give me a day to think about it. I want to surprise you._

Bruce didn't reply after that, but Thor was grinning as he started to think up a plan. This was his soulmate after all; time to make a good first impression.

Well, a decent second impression, perhaps.

'Are you sure this is going to work?' Loki folded his arms.

They were at the park again, and Thor had borrowed some of Val's sports equipment. 'Pretty sure.'

Val stood beside Loki in an identical pose. 'Please don't kill yourself. I only have two friends.'

'Well, you might be about to gain a third.' He had a springboard, some mats and determination. 'Wish me luck, guys.'

They did. Then took a step back. Thor took a running start...

Bruce sighed happily and closed his eyes, sinking down into the hot water. Baths were amazing for relieving tension, and he'd had a lot of tension this week. He wondered when Thor would be in touch. He supposed after all these years, he could afford to be patient. He was mostly recovered from yesterday's head wound, but he was going to take it easy for the next few days.

He opened one eye and watched a man fall out of mid-air and land in the bath. The splash sent half the bathwater onto the floor. 'What the hell!' He scrambled up, wielding an empty shampoo bottle at the intruder.

The man sat up, his hoodie and jeans now soaked.

They stared at each other.

'Thor?' said Bruce.

Thor nodded, flicking hair out of his eyes. He was blond-haired and built like a surfing instructor. Standing up he'd probably be double Bruce's height. 'I'd planned this to be a little more, um, special. Why are you in the bath?'

'Uh, because I wanted a bath?' Bruce remembered he was still naked. His cheeks burned as he snatched up a sopping towel to cover his dignity. 'How did you get here? Is that even possible?'

Thor smiled. 'I just... threw myself.'

The phrase "self-yeeted" came to mind, but Bruce was wise enough not to say it. 'Okay, I'm impressed.' He clambered out and looked back. Thor was... rather pretty. Damn. What did you say to the soulmate you'd been ignoring your whole life? 'I'm gonna... put some clothes on. Do you wanna maybe get lunch or something?'

Thor hadn't moved from the bath. His long legs stuck out absurdly over the edge of the tub. 'Actually, I think I hit my head on a tap on my way down.' His eyes did look a little unfocused.

Bruce sighed and offered him a hand. 'Come on, let's get you checked out. My treat.'

'Thanks.' Thor sloshed out of the bath and half-fell into his arms. Bruce's towel fell down. 'Sorry...'

'Just leave it.' He walked Thor to his room and sat him down on the bed. 'I'm glad you're here. I guess we've got some catching up to do. But first...'

Thor looked up questioningly.

Bruce picked up a shirt and threw it. 'Try that on for size.' He watched it flutter across the room.

Thor plucked it from the air with a grin. Curse lifted. 'Something soft?'

Bruce smiled back. 'Something soft,' he agreed.

**Author's Note:**

> "Throwing something on the full moon will land on your soulmate" is such a poetic prompt but my brain just went BASKETBALL IN BRUCE'S FACE and I couldn't stop cackling til I'd written this fic.


End file.
